THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE FOR HALLE SIEBERT

When in the course of human events, one becomes too dependent on the over-the-top, flowery storylines of romantic comedies, it becomes necessary for that person to dissolve their emotional ties to this entity.

I hold these truths to be self-evident, that all romantic comedies are equally wicked and should be completely removed from film selections everywhere.  These films infringe on people’s inalienable rights of life, liberty, and their pursuit of happiness by creating false images of love and passion.  Movies are created to depict real events or tell stories that issue an influential morale; they are not created to instill a false sense of romance among teen girls and middle-age women.  It is the people’s right to burn and destroy films that violate this cinematic code of reality and truth.  To prove that romantic comedies are completely corrupt, let these facts be submitted to a candid world.

They have issued chains of suffering upon young and old men alike; bound by the love of their wives, these men are forced to rest their eyes upon these horrid images of sappy romance.  Too many hours have been wasted upon these mindless films.

They have created false images of love and passion in young girls’ minds making it nearly impossible for a suitor to sweep these women off their feet; they are immune to the mundane practices of real-life romance. 

These evil films have hurt the game of love in today’s society.  Men no longer have a chance to impress the female population with their offerings of admiration.

They have caused heightened expectations of how men should prove their love towards the women that they are currently pursuing.  The women will never be satisfied with a simple box of chocolates or a single flower.

These romantic disasters have caused men to appear unsatisfactory to the female population in this country.  Since women are no longer open to the gifts of love that these males are offering them, our population will eventually cease to exist; therefore, these films continue to threaten our very existence and vivacity.

Ultimately these films will tear our country to shreds in social frustration.  People will continue to be unsatisfied by the lack of companionship readily available in today’s society.  These films are nothing but malicious and cause much pain and disappointment among citizens today.

I, therefore, a young, American woman, by authority of my own experiences solemnly publish and declare my independence from romantic comedies.  I will no longer be bound by their ruthless hands of misconception of love and romance; I will pursue other ways of life.  I have the right to find happiness and if these films are hindering my ability to do so, I have the duty to burn and destroy these entities.  With firm reliance on the protection of divine adoration, I pledge my life to finding real romance and love in its sacred honor.

Halle Siebert